By James French

There has been some scary evidence surfacing lately about the knowledge disconnect that has appeared between parents and children. Whether it is because of a desire not to know, a concern over privacy, or an unwillingness to be intrusive, there has been startling research emerging that parents just don’t know what’s going on with their children as much as they did in the past.

The Pride Surveys, published by International Survey Associates, studied the extent that children and teens have used various substances–cigarettes, alcohol, prescription drugs as well as “hard” substances like marijuana, ecstasy, cocaine, and so on–and the extent to which parents were aware of this usage. Two parallel studies combine to paint an alarming picture: Over 30% of teens in grade 12 reported having used marijuana–that’s nearly a third of all high school seniors! But even worse, only 10% of parents said they were aware their children were using marijuana. Put another way, while nearly 1 out of 3 high school seniors used marijuana, only 1 out of 10 parents knew about it! The same goes for cigarette use: A little over one-third (34%) of seniors reported smoking cigarettes while only 12% of parents (about 1 out of 9) reported knowing about it. And with alcohol, the result is truly shocking: Almost two-thirds (64%) of teens in grade 12 reported drinking alcohol but only 1 out of 6 (16%) parents said they knew their teen was drinking!

What does this show? A crucial gap in teen use of drugs and parents’ awareness of it. We can only speculate about the causes of this but it is clear that parents must work harder to uncover teens’ use of various addictive substances. This doesn’t mean taking on a “dictator” approach, monitoring and curbing all of a teen’s activities, but keeping track of what teens are doing, who their friends are, and what they do when parents are not around.

Here are some things parents can do to stay informed about their teens:

(1) Make yourself available as a resource. Tell your teen that they can talk to you and that you will be there for them without prejudging them (but that you will of course give them your honest opinion). Good, open communication is the key to prevention!

(2) Monitor where your teen goes and what she or he is doing. Don’t be afraid to ask your teen where she or he is going, how long they will be there, what they will be doing, and how you will be able to get in touch with them. Set reasonable curfews and restrictions and stay informed!

(3) Watch for signs of substance (ab)use: Changes in mood/attitude, unexplained weight gain or loss, lack of interest in activities s/he used to enjoy, and physical symptoms like bloodshot eyes, unexplained bruises, sweating, shaking, listlessnes or lack of concentration, hyperactiveness or apathy–any unexplained or out of the ordinary, sudden changes with your teen.

James French is an Outreach/Prevention Worker at Project HELP, one of our addiction prevention programs that works with teenagers.

By Reva Gaur

For our latest installment of recommended links, we’re featuring stories on health & fitness, advocacy for after-school and child care programs, free performing arts programs this week citywide, and the financial constraints of many NYC students on graduation day.

“New Study Links Exercise to Higher Pay” (Forbes)

“Children Ask Bloomberg to Restore Their Funds” (Epoch Times)

“Arts Watch: Summer Kicks Off with Make Music NY” (The Lo-Down)

“Too Poor For Their Own Graduation” (NY Times SchoolBook)

Carl (far left) with students from a previous graduating class.

By Carl Foreman

None of the College Prep staff is old enough to have children entering college in the fall, even mathematically. Yet every year around this time we are treated with a slice of the bittersweet pie primarily reserved for the parents of these young adults we send off into the world and beyond our Teen Center’s doors.

Of course none of us can take credit for birthing, feeding and raising any of our teens, nor will we be receiving their bursar bills in the mail; but our investment in their future has been a consistent presence for two and in some cases three years now. We know a student’s tendencies. His propensity to procrastinate, her penchant for reach schools, his singular desire for business schools, her witty sense of humor. We’ve spent at least two school years growing familiar with entire life stories. We appreciate what it took to get to this point for each student: the hardships, the setbacks, the regrouping, and the persevering. We care.

Then the day to celebrate them arrives, and the mind becomes preoccupied with perfunctory concerns like the alignment of words printed on fancy-looking certificates, and whether or not the decorations hung will stick to the ceiling or fall and hit a parent in the head. Are there enough chairs? Do I have pit stains? I hope the parents can find the place. We want everything to be perfect, so they know how proud we are, and to show our congratulations. But there’s no time to think about that, the juice from the veggie tray has spilled onto my pant leg. We anticipate.

They clean up nice too, nicer than we’ve ever seen them, surely. Everyone is here it seems, peering into our strange window of existence. Finally we each have a few words to say directly to our students and the emotions begin to swell. While showering them with praise and encouragement, I realize that I’m more sentimental than I’d care to admit. This always happens. What doesn’t always happen is the cavalcade of students who have decided to return the favor at the podium. The biggest surprise? Our (by far) quietest student coming forth and speaking confidently to the audience in a way none of us has ever had the slightest inclination he ever would. We brim with pride.

We’ll miss them. We will remember them this way much longer than they will remember themselves at this moment. Within months demeanors will be unrecognizable, and “our kids” will be unmistakably adults. We hope they’ll visit.

Carl Foreman is a college advisor in our College Prep Program — a program that ensures that low-income students in Downtown Manhattan have the resources and support to access college and to succeed once they’re there.